Take care of yourself

I've been reading Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell, at the recommendation of an acquaintance who's so excited after reading the book that he's talking about it to everyone he knows. It's a fascinating book, and I recommend reading it whether you agree with the author's viewpoint or not. So far, what's struck me hardest is the author's description of a study in which rich parents and working class parents were observed interacting with their children over the course of many weeks. Those doing the survey noted that wealthier parents were more likely to teach their children to take control in conversations with those in positions of authority - doctors, teachers, etc. - while poorer parents were more likely to want their children to be quiet, not speak up, and try to be as passive as possible.

Now this got me thinking. In my classes, I teach my students not only how to relate to their listeners, but how to get their listeners and conversational partners to relate to them. One of the first principles I teach is that you must always make it a priority to take care of yourself in a conversation. Understand that your own interest, understanding, validation, and excitement is as important as anyone else's. Understand also that no one else truly knows when you are interested, understand, validated, etc. You'll be much happier if you stop relying on others to provide all that, or sacrificing it entirely in a misguided effort to make everyone else happy, and take responsibility for it right away! And I've seen firsthand how hard this can be for wealthy and struggling clients alike.

Gladwell suggests that the lack of parental instruction on how to do this can cripple even the brightest children for the rest of their lives - the children will have no choice but to go through life socially inept, without even knowing what's wrong or why they seem to have been born victims. And that's where I disagree. We absolutely can change this as adults; we can learn to give ourselves the advantages that others haven't yet handed to us. Isn't that what makes adult life interesting, rewarding, and worth it?

The dynamic elevator speech

"I hate this networking stuff. I'm no good at small talk!" How many times have we heard this? From friends, co-workers, and even fellow attendees at events where people gather to - you guessed it - network! (If you want true irony, check out the folks who use their distaste for small talk as a subject about which to make small talk! Love it!) This is lethal. How you present yourself to a new contact in that vital first 10 seconds is...well...vital. If your so-called elevator speech isn't a good fit, doesn't ring true for you, or if - god forbid! - it bores you, I can tell you that you're losing valuable contacts, which translates into a negative impact on your bottom line.

A little preparation can work wonders in these situations. Most of us know that we should have an "elevator speech"; that is, we know that we should be able to say what we do in 30 to 60 seconds when we meet someone new. Unfortunately, most folks stop there. They may or may not make some effort to actually prepare such a speech before being faced with a networking scenario. If they do prepare, it's with the concept that this is something they'll do once. They memorize their spiel, and off they go.

The result? They, and anyone listening to them, quickly become bored with the same old patter.

Try something new. I like to call it the dynamic elevator speech. Take a few minutes, right now, to think about what really excites YOU about your business. What are your very favorite strong points? What makes you happy and proud when you say it? Pick several. Now, think about having multiple elevator speeches centering around these things. You can select just one or two key points to mention for each "speech." Remember, elevator speeches aren't about detailing your full range of services and/or products; they're about starting a dialogue.

Once you're comfortable with what you have to offer, and you have several options to choose from, you can tailor what you say to where you are, who you're talking to, and your most impressive accomplishments right at that moment. You'll never again get caught groping for an answer when someone says "And what do you do?"

It is as honorable to sell as it is to buy

So, my beloved big sister just told me that she's doing direct sales these days. Actually, she's been doing it for months, but didn't want to tell me. It amazes me how often this is true. In my coaching practice, I meet many direct sales folks, and I love working with them. Every industry - from janitors to pastors - has its sharks, but the direct sales representatives I know and work with are motivated by the desire to help others while living the life of their dreams. Who can argue with that? The difficulty arises when they decide that they must focus on the sale, rather than their genuine caring for the client, because they don't know how to communicate both at the same time. That's easily fixed!

The next time you catch yourself saying "I hate salesmen," or "I'm no salesman," stop and think about why that is. No matter what your initial thoughts on the subject are, I guarantee that the basic underlying principle is a concern that they don't care about you as a person, just your money. And for 9 out of 10 salespeople, nothing could be farther from the truth.

We must all sell at one point or another in our lives. Let's learn to do it compassionately, with skill and confidence, so that life is better for us AND for our clients!

Networking - Taming the savage beast

My blog followers (Hi, Mom!) have probably noticed my long silence. I've been out networking til my feet fall off, promoting my new communication coaching practice. Going to 7-10 networking events each week has given me ample opportunity to observe a variety of folks out getting their schmooze on. Understandably, this prompts a blog post including a few tips that I hope you'll find useful. They're based on what I'm seeing out in the trenches, the most common pitfalls I see happening when professionals face that most terrifying of beasts--a room full of strangers to whom you must explain your business, not offend, and attempt to form a lasting connection with, all while balancing a plate of cheese cubes and a glass of something-or-other.

1. There is no homecoming queen at a business mixer. Most of us still carry memories of "in" and "out" crowds in high school. But that just doesn't apply here. We are all here to meet each other and promote, promote, promote! If someone already had all the clients s/he needed, he or she would be at home watching NCIS. So no matter how poised or put together someone looks, you're still here for the same reasons, and that person will likely be grateful if you take a deep breath, grip your cheese cube plate firmly, and introduce yourself first. Which leads to...

2. She who introduces herself first, wins. We are also accustomed to the old social rule that whomever speaks last holds the most power. But at networking events (this includes conventions, mixers, and most other business gatherings, whether they're targeted towards networking or not), the power belongs to the hosts. By this I mean that the people who provide value to the other participants gain recognition, which will later translate into business.

3. You never know what connections will later produce profit. Keep this in mind when someone is introducing themselves--even if their title as stated doesn't fit into your concept of a potential client, they may have a friend, client, or brother-in-law who will describe a need for your services in future. Don't shut someone down simply because they aren't your "dream referral." In fact...

4. Don't shut anyone down. Give your full attention to the person with whom you're speaking RIGHT NOW. Scanning the room for your next victim while your current victim (I use the term advisedly, as they are certainly feeling victimized if this is what you're doing!) is the most common blunder I see at these events. Word gets around, business communities talk to each other, and no one likes to feel demeaned.

A final word. Don't set out to make contacts. Set out to meet people. Have some fun! Learn their stories. Your business will bloom, and you'll get more out of life along the way.

Communicating vs. channeling

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But it's not the most effective form of communication! Too often I hear (or read) folks who seem to be "channeling" a way of speaking, whether that of an individual or an industry. And channeling someone else's ideas or thought patterns will never change the world.

We've all admired writers, speakers, and storytellers whose distinct personal style made a real impact on both their audience and their material. It's easy to fall into mimicry, imagining that the mannerisms that work so well for them will surely benefit our own message. Not so! Like an accomplished musician, skillful communicators can credit many different influences to their style, but influence will only get you so far.

Be fresh. Be genuine. Figure out what you have to say, believe in it with everything you have, and then send it out there. You and your audience will both reap the rewards.

How to write an effective letter

Once upon a time--a very different time--people relied on letters almost exclusively as a method of communication. Whether you wanted to stay in touch with family or friends, do business, or create a country, letters were the way to do it. The Declaration of Independence is, in essence, a letter; and before it was ever drafted dozens of other letters flew back and forth between the founding fathers expressing the need for a new country.

Obviously this is no longer the case. But the advent of e-mail, the telephone, video chat, texting, social networking sites, and all the other communications options we now have access to hasn't changed our dependence on the ability to write a good, clear letter. Whether you send it over e-mail, put it in a Facebook message, fax it, or break it down and Tweet it, the need for structure, clarity, and style is still there. Here are six key elements to a well-crafted letter:

Preparation. Before you begin, take the time to establish clearly for yourself what your objective is for your letter. Don't wade in with a general idea, only to be pulled under by a tide of digressions and needless information. What is your motive for contacting this person? What information does he or she need from you in order to explain your motive? What roadblocks do you think might keep the recipient from understanding this information, and how should they be addressed (if at all)? Finally, what do you want him or her to do as a result of receiving the information? Once you know the answers to these questions, you're ready to begin on the letter itself.

Introduction. We're all busy. With the exception of your closest friends and family members, you should always remember that your recipient wants to know why you're writing as quickly and in as few words as possible. Depending on how complicated your subject matter is and how long your missive, this can be a paragraph, a sentence, or even just a phrase like, "Regarding our conversation yesterday on next year's expansion plan..." Open with a friendly greeting if you feel the need to establish tone, but once that's done, get your objective out there ASAP and move on. (Note: this is especially important for cover letters associated with resumes.)

Support or background information. This is pretty self-explanatory. Just remember to be as concise as possible when presenting the details or background needed. Make sure that all information presented is essential to your objective; anything extra will weaken your message and make it less likely that your recipient will read the entire letter.

Response to possible opposition. Letters (apart from family newsletters) are meant to get your recipient to do something. When you ask someone to do something, nine times out of ten you know that there may be certain roadblocks or personal objections that stand in the way of their doing so. It's important to address these in your message; it's even more important that you do so in a positive way. Don't strengthen your recipient's objection by voicing it for him or her ("I know you may think that this would not be cost-effective..."). Focus instead on the benefits of doing what you ask ("This will be a good value because...").

Request. Now that you've made your case, and drawn special attention to the areas of your case that you think your recipient needs to hear pointed out, it's time to ask for your objective. Don't ever make your case and then leave the recipient's next step up to him or her. Even if you're not sure what the next step should be, ask to discuss it further or ask the recipient to come up with a solution. Look on this portion of your message as closing a sale. Good sales people are taught from day one that if you don't ask, you won't receive.

Conclusion. Like the introduction, your conclusion should be as short as possible. Your purpose is only to thank your recipient for their time, and express that you look forward to their response, giving any applicable deadlines. Don't weaken your letter's structure by going back over ground you've already covered. If your letter is informal--for example, an e-mail continuing an established conversation with someone you already know--all the conclusion you need is to sign your name; your request can stand alone.

So there you have it. There are a lot of nifty tips and tricks for each aspect, of course, but these six points are the basic framework for any solid letter. Happy writing!

Talking To Yourself

During the last few days, I've been thinking a lot on the subject of self-awareness. When coaching a new client--no matter what I'm doing for that person--the first step I take is to identify that client's unique goals, values, and priorities. This is vital, as all advice or recommendations I make will be geared toward furthering these. But I've learned that I'm not the only one who needs this initial establishment of voice. Often it's the most valuable part of the entire coaching session for the client.

You see, I work to help clarify and refine how people describe themselves and their services, value, and knowledge to other people, whether this means a prospective employer, a customer, or an employee. But before this can happen, the client must identify how she describes these things to herself. Every other communication will rest on this. We must know why we do what we do, why we're the best candidate for a project or position, why our offerings and skills are the very best.

How do you talk to yourself about...yourself? When coaching a job seeker, I explain that immediately defending something that you think is a negative is a huge red flag to interviewers. You must instead focus on the positive while frankly accepting the perceived negative (which, more often than not, is a blessing in disguise). Let me tell you, YOU are much more perceptive than any interviewer when it comes to this particular trick! You know when you're scrambling to cover a perceived problem. You don't like it. And you can rest assured that this will come out when you deal with others, as well.

So I advise you to watch what you say to yourself, before you open your mouth and address anyone else. Come to terms with whatever's bugging you, whatever you see as your weakness. Find a way in which this thing can serve as an asset. If you need help doing this, get it! Appreciate your strengths fully; don't wait for someone else to tell you why you're good. You know better than they do, if you let yourself. Learn to be your own best representative to yourself first and foremost. It will pay off in the end, I promise.

Resumes: Don't go it alone!

As a hiring manager for several departments of a high-profile national non-profit agency, I have seen many, many resumes. All kinds of resumes poured into our office from all kinds of candidates. Our Human Resources department screened out the most ludicrous, but they knew that my requirements could be a little counter-intuitive for some positions, so anyone barely competent-looking was sent my way. And let me tell you, the spectrum was impressive--these ranged from glossy packages complete with Glamour Shots at the top (if you were wondering, not the best use of your page space when applying for an internal position at a non-profit agency) to Word documents with uneven margins and grammatical errors. There were days when I felt like hiring the first person able to actually put together a streamlined, error-free document, regardless of previous experience, education, or any of the other qualifications we all work so hard to gain!

Employers today are overloaded with incoming resumes for open positions. In the old days, you had to put some effort into applying for a knowledge-based position (as opposed to one in the service industries, where you'd typically fill out an application form in person). Not anymore! With job sites like Monster and CareerBuilder, anyone can upload a resume and cover letter in a matter of minutes, ensuring that hundreds of documents with varying levels of readability pour in from every side. On one hand, that's actually good news for the reasonably skilled resume builder; remember my delight as a manager at seeing any fairly well-written resume? Chances are, your document will at least score a read-through if it looks professional.

But there's another aspect of resume writing that goes beyond proofreading, even though proofreading alone is difficult enough to make enlisting outside help valuable for 9 out of 10 applicants. Having a resume that nets a call back comes down to careful research, and a certain amount of PR work. You have to know what the employer is looking for, and explain why you're the best person to fulfill their needs. And while the principle itself is basic enough, the plain fact is that most job seekers don't really know how to do this. It's a bit like a scavenger hunt: in job postings, there are hidden clues and prompts letting you know what kind of phrases, experience, skills and overall tone an employer is hoping you'll present them with. Identifying all of the clues is just half the battle. Once you've done that, you have to be able to look at the job seekers' experience, education, awards, volunteer work, etc., and present all of this information in such a way as to answer as many clues as you can (hopefully all of them, but in many cases not), leading with the points most important to the employer. Some clues will be less vital. Others will be dealbreakers, and if you want to get your foot in the door you must answer these big prompts using every bit of proven ability you've got.

And folks, that ain't always easy. We all have our own opinions of our abilities, our skill set. We are impressed by some things we do, dissatisfied with other aspects of our work persona. These perceptions aren't always accurate. And that's where a resume coach comes in. An experienced coach doesn't just know how the resume should look (what kind of formatting is best? does it really have to be just one page?), they know how to arrange everything to make you stand out among the dozens of other applicants. This lets you score that all-important in-person interview. After that, of course, you're on your own (more or less--coaches will also often offer interview training sessions as well).

If a professional just isn't in the cards for you - and most will charge at least $50 or so to get your materials together - it's nevertheless a good idea to have someone you trust at least read through your documents before sending them off. Ideally, this should be someone who knows your abilities fairly well, and can tell you where you need to toot your own horn a bit louder, or where your attempts to do so may just sound like unfounding bragging (sorry to say, that's always glaringly apparent to a prospective employer, and most won't take it well). Every little bit helps! Remember, steel sharpens steel; even if you don't like what they have to say, at least explaining why you don't like it will clarify your understanding and purpose, and make the end result that much better.

Why editors HATE spell check.

I know we've all seen this poem before, but it always makes me smile:

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

Grammar and spelling have always been the line of demarcation between educated (and, therefore, reliable) information and uneducated (and, therefore, untrustworthy) information. I know it's hard to believe in this age of LOLspeak, texting, and casual plainspeaking, but in some ways it's even more important now than ever before! Information is so overwhelmingly and readily available, and sharing that information across hundreds or even thousands of miles takes no more than the click of a mouse. It seems overly simple to say "Check your spelling and watch your grammar," but anyone in a human resources or publication submissions office will tell you that this common sense approach is anything but common. Mind your p's and q's!

(And, if your project is truly important, don't hesitate to ask for help from your friendly neighborhood editor for hire!)

When you CARE enough to say the very best...

I find that a lot of folks who struggle with effective written communication (or prepared verbal presentations) do so because it's so easy to become bogged down with all the things that possibly could be said about their subject, rather than picking out one or two key concepts to get across in the best way possible. These are the communicators you're likely to feel "love the sound of their own voice." If you find yourself falling into this habit, you may find it useful to remember to always take CARE when communicating a specific concept or request--including a request for business.

Effective communication is...

Concise. Don't use two words where one will do. Brevity isn't just the soul of wit, it's the key to keeping peoples' attention long enough to say all you need to say.

Articulate. Really look at the tone and connotation of the words you elect to use. Are they the very best tools for your job? Have they been used too many times already; do they need a subtle re-write to increase impact?

Responsive to potential listener concerns. Now this one's tricky, because you don't want to put negative ideas into someone's head as they read. Rather, you should identify the objections you feel people may have to what you're saying, and address their causes--without stating them directly.

Empathetic. Speak from your heart to your audience's heart, even on a business proposal. We're all humans here, and without that acknowledgement of our humanity, your words won't compel. You'll be one more voice in the millions we're bombarded with during this electronic age.

So there you have it. Give it a whirl, see if this little acronym helps you out. And, as always, feel free to drop me a line if you have any questions.

Welcome!

Thanks for stopping by! Please join me in celebrating the launch of this new blog, which is going out just ahead of the formation of my new consulting business, Constant Clarity. In the upcoming days and weeks, I'll be using this space as a sort of sampling plate for the techniques and skills my clients learn in our coaching sessions, as well as thoughts I have picked up along the way in my writing and editing work. Hopefully you'll pick up some helpful hints for your own future communications, whether that involves your boss (or the boss you'd like to have!), your employees, your clients, the community at large, or your family and friends. Hang onto your hat and here we go!

The first concept I'd like to put out into the ether is very simple. Communication determines, in so many ways, our life experience. Stop for a moment and think about the million different ways we communicate, and the impact these different avenues have on your quality of life. You're reading this blog--that's communication. If you like my tone, if it resonates with you as a person and my words are easy to understand, you're more likely to be receptive to the message I'm getting across. That benefits you (in my opinion), because what I have to say is useful and valuable stuff! Your life experience will change based on the information you take with you, even in little ways. It benefits me, not just because I love to be heard--don't we all--but in a concrete way if you refer friends to this site, maybe drop me a line to ask a question or schedule some writing or coaching time. My life experience will change through the joy of knowing you, and possibly through the joy of getting to pay my bills ;-) A reminder from your boss about a project that's nearly due is another form of communication. How does the phrase "You haven't finished the Smith project that's due tomorrow, have you?" affect you, when compared with "I know Smith is going to be floored by that presentation you're giving tomorrow! Is there anything I can do to help with that?"

In how many other ways are various types of communication bumping up against you today? How do they make you feel? What concrete effect do they have on your life? How would these effects change if the form or tone of the communication changed--how could they be better?

I think it's worth a thought or two.